So here are some "Points to Remember" for de-stressing yourself from the holidays:
- Change is difficult for most people so if you start to make changes then plan for the resistance/push back you are almost inevitably going to get. That does NOT mean you should avoid making changes! Instead, keep doing the “new way” and after a few times most people will adjust/adapt/accept the change.
- Change is also inevitable and thank goodness things do change (just look back 100 years and be grateful for the changes)!
- People who have good boundaries themselves will tend to respect someone being honest and clearly setting boundaries.
- People who don’t have good boundaries themselves will tend to get upset when someone sets an honest, clear boundary. That “upset” is not about you – it is THEIR STUFF – THEIR DISCOMFORT – so you do NOT need to take it on or own it!
- Saying “No” is a GOOD thing.
- Avoid having expectations of others or the holidays. Expectations set us up for frustrations, disappointments and just plain old being upset.
- We cannot change other people unless they want to change so we need to work towards RADICAL ACCEPTANCE of others (i.e. accept that that is the way they are without adding a qualitative – good or bad/right or wrong – value to it).
- RADICAL ACCEPTANCE is difficult for most people to learn to do. We tend to continue to say, “well, they SHOULD ……..” and that keeps us stuck in the judgments and feeling bad.
- Remember that self-care is even MORE important when we are stressed so put it on your schedule first.
- Prioritize and budget both your TIME & your MONEY! Let go of comparing yourself to others and really decide what messages you want to model for your kids, family and friends. Then keep that image/theme in mind for every single choice you make – live true to your own value system, no matter what anyone else has to say about it!
Clearing Your Head and Healing Your Heart
Putting the Pieces Together (So We Make Sense of Ourselves, Others and Our World)
Lois Zsarnay, LMFT, BCPC, RD
Family Therapy Ventura, California
©2015 Lois Zsarnay, LMFT, BCPC, RD