Couples Therapy & Marriage Counseling
Keys to a successful relationship
For example, I’ll often tell people “If it’s important to your partner then you need to make it at least a little important to you, and if it’s important to you then they need to make it at least a little important to them.” This is important because what happens from the perspective of a person within the relationship can be summed up to the effect of “If you tell me this is really important to you and I ignore that, then when I don’t do it – and it’s important to you – the message I’m sending to you is ‘I don’t care about you’ or ‘you’re not important to me’. So, if it’s important to you then I need to be aware of that and make some efforts towards that. That says to you that ‘you’re important to me.'”
Another key to having a successful relationship with anyone is to get out of our “self point of view.” We need to make an effort to see things from the other person’s point of view. Seeing their point of view does NOT mean we agree with them or think they are “right.” It means we can acknowledge that we heard them and can understand their thoughts or feelings. After all, everyone wants to be heard and acknowledged so give them the gift of validating that they have been heard.
I’ve worked with a lot of mothers with adult daughters, fathers with adult sons, or parents with their adult children who are now married with kids. In some cases things that may have happened when they were younger are being repeated and that may not be the kind of relationship they want to have with the people that are important to them or family members that they love. People often seek my help because they want to resolve issues such as these (in some cases, especially as they begin to age or get older).
I greatly enjoy working with these kinds of people. I find that it is lots of fun and many great feelings arise among family members as they begin to make realizations about themselves or each other.